


Wonderwall - Karlnap

by nikiwastaken



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, I'm sorry for not posting often at all, Karl Jacobs Needs a Hug, Karl Jacobs-centric, Light Angst, M/M, No Smut, Sapnap Needs to Get His Feelings in Check, Writer's block can kiss my Ass, karlnap, slight self projection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-29
Updated: 2021-01-29
Packaged: 2021-03-15 22:08:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,350
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29071527
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nikiwastaken/pseuds/nikiwastaken
Summary: Karl is painfully in love with Sapnap. Sapnap doesn't realize, until Karl slips up and disappears, thinking he royally fucked everything up.
Relationships: Dreamnotfound (mentioned), Karl Jacobs & Sapnap, Karl Jacobs/Sapnap, Karlnap - Relationship
Comments: 11
Kudos: 343





	Wonderwall - Karlnap

Karl sighed, flopping down on his bed and pressing shuffle on his liked songs. His face flushed brightly as the lyrics and gentle tune filled his ears.

Today is gonna be the day  
That they're gonna throw it back to you  
By now you should've somehow  
Realized what you gotta do…

He groaned, the image of Sapnap filling his mind. Their song. This was their song. Karl remembered the day Nick had shown the unbelievably soft tune (for Nick’s personal taste) to him, and he instantly fell in love with it. The lyrics had this odd sort of burn to them. A burn that made Karl’s cheeks heat up, and made it harder to breathe than usual. It was a weird feeling, Karl recalled, but Nick was always an image that accompanied the feeling, so he didn’t mind.

I'm sure you've heard it all before  
But you never really had a doubt  
I don't believe that anybody  
Feels the way I do about you now…

Karl found himself singing along now, face flushing. Why did he think about Nick so much? Sure, they were best friends. They had inside jokes. They pulled all-nighters just to talk to each other. They even had nicknames for each other. Well, he had a nickname for Nick. Nick just called him Jacobs. They mostly just called each other nimrods. But something about his tone in voice when he said it, the way it sounded like honey, surrounding Karl and making him feel so warm; it was all he had ever wanted.

And all the roads that lead you there were winding  
And all the lights that light the way are blinding  
There are many things that I  
Would like to say to you but I don't know how…

He remembered what Chris had told him falling in love feels like. ‘It’s sort of like a tsunami. Just, these random overwhelming waves of emotion. You feel like you just want to be their best friend ever, but at a whole different level. They could smile at you in a basic friendly way, and it would just stick in your head till the end of time. It eats you alive. You think about them, and it gets hard to breathe. You just think everything about them and everything they do is amazing. You just have to roll with it. Let it eat you alive. It doesn’t always end well, but you only live once.’

I said maybe  
You're gonna be the one that saves me  
And after all  
You're my wonderwall…

Maybe Karl did love Nick. Maybe that feeling that it gave him when Nick smiled, that feeling when Nick called him Jacobs- maybe it wasn’t platonic. Thinking about it was so overwhelming for Karl. If he did like Sapnap, it was life-changing. Karl thought he was straight for so long, was he bi? This was all so much to handle. He needed to talk to Niki. Niki had been out as bisexual for a while now, and she was one of Karl’s closer friends. Karl could definitely trust her to go to. She’d always been there for him, why wouldn’t she be there now? Karl internally facepalmed at the lyrics he heard begin to come from his phone as Wonderwall ended. Of course. It felt like the world was trying to tell him that he loved Nick. 

I was hangin' with you and then I realized  
I didn't think it was true, I was surprised  
When I found out I've fallen for you…

He opened iMessage, clicking on Niki’s contact. He hesitated a moment before sending a text her way. ‘hey, niki? i may need a bit of help, having a slight crisis that may involve sexuality.’

I didn't wanna believe my feelings for you  
I didn't wanna believe that I could lose you  
If I told you just how I felt…

Niki texted back almost immediately. ‘hi karl!!! whats up? im here to talk! :]’ Karl gulped, debating his response for a few minutes. ‘i think i may like one of my friends. the problem is, hes a guy and this would be my first male crush, not to mention crush in general.’ Karl hummed along to the music while he waited for Niki’s response, watching her text bubble pop up and disappear a few times. 

But I can't help it  
I'm falling for you  
And I can't quit it  
'Cause I'm stuck on you…

Niki’s response made Karl a mix of comforted and scared. ‘its okay karl!! :) i understand. coming out can always be hard, but remember it doesnt have to be a big thing, your sexuality doesnt define you as a person. maybe just start out telling close friends. chris and sapnap are two that come to mind, id tell them! plus, you already know the entire smp will be supportive, me and eret are the two most active lgbtq+ members in there and we’re accepted! and as for the crush part, just flow with it. its the same as having a crush on a girl, so just know you arent any different for liking guys! if hes bi or gay and hes out of the closet, thats just a win for you. if he isnt, try to ask him about it one day. if he’s in the smp, you know for a fact he’ll take it well; everyone there is comfortable with their own sexualities. do whatever you think works, karl, and dont ever be afraid to come to me or eret, or even dream for help! i love you dummy :]’

Karl could barely process this. As the song ended, he closed Spotify. The music was just making it harder to think. He thanked Niki, sighing and shutting off his phone. But what if Nick isn’t gay, or bi? What if he could never think of a guy that way? Karl was so scared he’d say something too much and lose Nick forever. He didn’t wanna lose Nick, he never would. He wanted to grow old with him. He wanted to marry him, eventually. And he wanted to be the one to propose, too. Okay, maybe he did love Sapnap. A lot.

It was getting late. Karl sighed, grabbing one of Nick’s merch hoodies and some sweatpants from his dresser. He sat his clothes on the countertop, scooting over to the shower and turning the water on. He waited for it to warm up, opening Spotify and hitting shuffle on his liked songs again. He stripped, smiling at the song that started to play as he stepped into the hot water. 

I like that you're broken  
Broken like me  
Maybe that makes me a fool  
I like that you're lonely  
Lonely like me  
I could be lonely with you…

The music faded away behind the sound of the water hitting the floor of the shower, not to mention Karl’s thoughts as well. All he could hear was himself thinking. And of course, he was thinking of Nick. “Why? Why are you.. like this? Why are you all I can think about now? Ever since a few weeks ago, I just- I can’t stop thinking about you. And it’s not like I don’t like it. I just don’t know how to handle this..” He thought out loud to himself, leaning his head against the wall as the hot water hit him. He thought about the day him and Nick met. They met before he was a member of the Dream SMP, and a lot of people didn’t know that. They met on Twitter after he interacted with quite a few of Mr Beast’s posts, and eventually Karl’s own. Not long after, they became mutuals, and became friends outside of Twitter after a few all-nighters spent talking to each other. They’re really best friends, at least Karl thought. They’d been playing Minecraft together for what felt like ages. Though it had just been years, Karl felt like they were childhood friends. Their closeness was enough to make outsiders assume so too, at times. It felt like Karl’s thoughts were trampling him, barreling through his mind.

Maybe he should tell Nick. Maybe he should talk to Eret, to Antfrost, hell, maybe even Dream. Not long ago Dream had came out as bi to the SMP and soon after his fans, but something only Karl knew; because Karl was more trustworthy than Sapnap in a “This motherfucker can’t keep secrets'' sort of way, and he was close to Clay at the same time, was that Clay liked George. So, maybe he’d understand. Maybe Clay could help. So many maybes. Karl turned the water off, getting out of the shower and pulling his clothes on after drying off. He’d just have to act normal for now. Act normal until he could talk to Clay, then maybe confront Nick and confess. But he could think more tomorrow. It wasn’t urgent. For now, he was going to call Nick and fall asleep. Yeah. Call Nick. Because that would be easy to do casually.

Karl flopped down on his bed, opening FaceTime. He didn’t have to ask anymore, he could just call Nick and he’d answer, despite what he was doing. He opened his camera, making sure he looked decent for Nick. Since when did he care how he looked? Karl sighed, shaking the thoughts out of his head before clicking Nick’s contact. Nick picked up almost immediately, like he was waiting for Karl to call. Karl was greeted soon after Nick picked up with a, “Hey mamas! What’s up, Jacobs?” 

He was glad to be greeted with the Texan’s familiar face and not a “paused” screen when he looked down, smiling back as Nick smiled at him. “Nothing much, ‘m just tired so I figured I’d call you before I knock out. Wouldn’t wanna break the call streak we’ve held for…” He blanked at the exact amount of how many days they’d called nightly for, face flushing as Nick popped in with the exact amount. “678 days. Anyways, do you wanna talk a bit before you pass out or do you wanna go to bed? I’m up for whatever, I’m just working on college shit. Boring as hell.” Nick scoffed, and Karl smiled. Complaining about college was always one of Nick’s favorite pastimes, and Karl was sure it was mostly because he always got Karl’s help through complaining. Karl sighed, grinning wider at Nick than before. “What’s it about, I’ll help.”

After an hour or two was spent working on Nick’s work, they had both found themselves collapsed in the comfort of their beds. Nick’s voice was muffled as he spoke through the mass of blankets and pillows on his bed, and Karl thought it was the cutest thing in the oddest way. “Hey, Jacobs?” Nick asked, which caught him a bit off guard. He let out a small “Hm?”, hoping he didn’t just begin overthinking for no reason. “I love you. I know I don’t say it a lot, ‘cause I’m.. weird with that sorta stuff, but I really do. You’re the best friend I could ever ask for and I don’t know what I’d do without you.” 

Nick spoke honestly, and Karl knew as much as he thanked Nick and reciprocated, though he couldn’t help feeling painfully empty at his words. He was happy Nick cared about him, of course he was. But it was being called his friend that hurt the most. He knew Nick would never romantically love him back, and being called his friend was a painful reminder. The call fell silent, to Karl at least. His thoughts were louder than Nick, if he was talking, despite Karl’s own wishes that his thoughts would just stop. He wondered what it would be like to be able to call Nick his boyfriend. To meet him, to hold his hand, to take him on dates, to introduce him to his friends. He wondered what it would be like for them to be in love. And the weary, “Jacobs..? What?” that broke through the silence was something he wished he never heard. There was a part of him that went into fight or flight mode, that told him to leave the call and never talk to Nick again, told him to run far and fast away from the problem he had just caused until it went away.

But realistically, Karl knew he couldn’t run and hide from this. He knew he couldn’t ignore how Nick’s voice was now laced with concern as he kept worriedly questioning Karl. “Jacobs, are you there? Is everything okay? Honey, please, talk to me.”

It was being called that unfamiliar pet name that snapped him out of his panicked thoughts, that snapped him into a mind that was right enough to respond to Nick. “Um.. Yeah? Every- Everything is fine, pandas. What’s up?” Karl knew his tone was enough to set Nick on the fact that he wasn’t okay, he could hear his own tears threatening more and more to spill every second. He hated this, he hated the silence before Nick’s response. “I know it’s not fine. I just- I heard that. I heard you say you wondered what… Yeah. Can we- Can we talk about it? About that? We don’t have to, if you aren’t comfortable with it-“

Karl just shook. He shook and held back sobs. He didn’t want this to happen so soon. He didn’t want to have to do this. He was going to wait. Until he could talk to Clay. Until he could talk to someone- anyone, who’d understand. His voice was a near whisper as he finally spoke, closer to sobbing than before. “You don’t even like me like that, do you? I’m sorry. I’m sorry for ruining this. For making you hate me. I’m disgusting. I’m sorry for being so disgusting. You can just leave if you want to.” He didn’t even have to hear what Nick had to say. He just knew Nick would hate him for this. For loving him. For loving another guy. That’s sick. Nick will think it’s sick. Karl’s thoughts were what sent him over the edge, finally pushing him to tears. 

Karl could hear the pain laced deeper within Nick’s voice as he spoke again, despite the breathy laugh that escaped him. “Karl, honey, it’s okay. Shh. It’s okay. You don’t need to worry. I’m bi. You aren’t disgusting and I don’t hate you. I just,” his voice dropped quieter, sounding almost.. shameful, “I don’t know exactly how I feel about you yet.”

He just doesn’t know how he feels about you.  
But he said yet.  
Yet means he will soon, right?  
But what if he figures out that you’re just a friend?  
What if he doesn’t like you?

Karl’s thoughts were enough to make him break down at this point, and he didn’t want Nick to see him like this. “I.. I’m sorry. I have to go. I love you.”

Call ended.

He lingered on the call ended screen until his phone automatically shut off. It hurt. He hurt. He needed to talk to Clay. As soon as possible. But he’d do that tomorrow. Tonight has been too long to do more. More of this. This stupid love bullshit. With a sigh, Karl set his alarm and shut his eyes. Maybe he could finally rest after this. 

But he was wrong. He was so wrong to think he could rest after all of this. He was dreaming now, yes. But it wasn’t peaceful. Nor a dream, really. More of a nightmare. It all felt so real. 

Nick sat next to him, Karl comfortably relaxed in his arms. He looked up at the shorter male who, thanks to the fact that Karl was laying in his arms, appeared taller. Though, that wasn’t what made Karl panic. It was realizing he was in Nick’s arms. And they were in Karl’s house. Karl’s room. Laying together, holding hands. Watching one of Karl’s favorite movies. 

Karl’s voice was hushed as he spoke, partially due to panic from the situation. “Are we- Is this real?” Nick only smiled, kissing Karl’s forehead. “It’s real if you want it to be.”

But then it faded. Nick faded. Karl faded. He woke up in a cold sweat, tears still streaming down his face. It felt so real. Why did it hurt? Why did it hurt that it wasn’t real? Karl checked the time displayed at the top of his phone. 8:36AM. Surely, Clay would be up soon. He had to be, his sleep schedule was synced with George’s and time zones made it so that he’d wake up early. He decided to shoot a message Clay's way just in case. He opened iMessages, sighing as he tapped on Clay’s contact. ‘hey clay :] u awake?’

The response was almost immediate, Clay responded with a, ‘yeah, what’s up?’. Karl hesitated before typing back a ‘can we call? i wanna talk to you about some personal stuff.’

And his phone rang. Clay was calling. He picked up, breathing a fresh breath of strength. “What’s up, Karl?”  
The conversation that ensued wasn’t pleasant nor painful. “So, you know how you like George?” Clay nodded in response, Karl smiling. He was glad Clay was comfortable enough with him to show his face, but that wasn’t the point. “Point is, I like Sapnap. And I honestly think I just fucked it all up.” Clay’s face fell as he heard this news, out of worry. 

“What happened?” Clay ventured uneasily, testing the waters, seeing if it was safe for him to ask. “We were on call. It turns out I was thinking out loud. I said I wondered what it would be like if we were in love. To his face, Clay. To his face. I didn’t even mean to and I ruined everything.” Clay massaged his temples; dealing with him and Nick was never fun. “What did he say?”

“He said he didn’t know how he felt about me.”

The air left in the silence of the call was tense and disturbed. “Well, That’s it then. He doesn’t know yet. But I know he has had feelings for you. For a while now, actually. Was just too scared to act on it. You have to let him get comfortable, okay? Just let him calm down from finding out. Let him relax. Everything will be fine.” Clay rambled on, definitely saying more that Karl didn’t catch. 

“So it’ll be okay?” Karl pondered, and was met with a grin and a nod. “Of course. I’m here, and you and Nick both mean the world to me so I’ll do my best to help when I’m needed. I’ll talk to you later, man. George wants to call. Hope you’re doing alright, have a good morning.” 

With a few final goodbyes, Karl left the call. But what now? They can’t just move on and act like it didn’t happen. There was no way. But what if moving on fixes it? You can’t fix something so severe so easily. Karl’s heartstrings tugged mercilessly at him, threatening to make him cry for the second time in just a few hours. So he just sat there. He sat there, trying not to cry, ignoring worried texts from Nick. Worried texts from Chris. Jimmy. Niki. He hadn’t talked to anyone all yesterday or today, other than Clay, Nick, and Niki. So, of course his friends were worried. Friends worry about that kind of thing. Karl sighed, grabbing his phone and telling everyone that he was alright, and “just exhausted”. Everyone but Nick. He couldn’t stand the idea of talking to Nick again. It horrified him. ‘I don’t know how I feel about you yet.’ The words burned into his brain, imprinting themselves within his mind. 

He couldn’t escape this until he fixed it. And it needed to be fixed, soon. If it wasn’t fixed, everything would crumble. First him and Nick, then him and Clay by association, then George, then the entire Dream SMP, his friends, he’d be forced to leave them all. He’d be forced to leave Niki, Alex, Ranboo, all of them. And he would do whatever it takes to keep that from happening.

And so he had to call Nick. The idea scared him more than anything, but after a relaxing shower and some time to himself, he could think clearly. Well, at least he hoped he was thinking clearly. Nick was a good guy, he wouldn’t lose his cool or anything. He wouldn’t leave Karl in the dust. He wouldn’t. Clay said everything would be okay, and Karl trusted him. It would be alright.

With that being said, he planned. He thought it all through. He’d text Nick, see if he was doing alright, then ask if they could call. And they’d talk it out. And they’d be okay. They would be okay, as long as Karl remembers to account for both of their feelings. It wouldn’t be hard to account for Nick’s, he knew that much, he’s a naturally caring person. The problem was taking his own into account and not bending over backwards to make this work. But Nick had always given him the strength to do things to his own schedule and flow, the strength to not bend over backwards to accommodate for everyone and everything but himself.

But he didn’t have Nick right now. So he’d try his best to be strong enough on his own. He decided he’d call Nick at maybe 8PM, reassuring himself that this would be okay, that this would work. But then a thought struck him and his face drained of all emotion. What if he said he didn’t know because he’s in love with someone else? What if he just didn’t want to hurt me? I should just leave him alone. 

Karl sat there, overthinking it for a good few minutes before trying his hardest to snap himself out of his thoughts. No, Nick would have been honest if there was someone he was interested in. Before he knew it, the alarm he had set for 8PM went off. It was time, if he stalled, everything was screwed. Not talking to Nick hurt more than anything, and he needed to get this done and over with. He pressed on Nick’s contact, trying his best to ignore the onslaught of messages Nick had sent since it all happened, worrying, wondering if Karl was okay. Karl despised himself for not having the strength to confront Nick before this, for being ignorant enough to disregard how this may have made Nick feel. He felt horrid, he could tell he was shaking as he texted Nick, apologizing and asking him if he could call, asking if he was doing alright.

‘sure, jacobs. i'm alright, i guess. and its fine, really, i get it.’

Karl opted for an actual call instead of facetime for once. He didn’t want the possibility of breaking down and letting Nick see ruin it, ruin his own strength. It was taking so much courage already just to do this, and he didn’t want to chance making it worse.

He pressed the call button. It rang, three times, before Nick picked up. He could hear it in Nick’s voice that he’d been crying, hear it in the roughness of his “Hello? What’s, uh, what’s up, Jacobs?” Karl cringed, cringed at how it hurt his heart to hear Nick like that. “Um, can I- can I talk to you?” Nick hummed a small “Mhm, go ahead.” before Karl began to speak.

“I’m sorry. I just wanted to start with that, I know I went MIA after our last call. I just. I feel like we should honestly talk about our feelings, but mostly me. After what you heard, you know. Yeah. I love you. Romantically. And, um, it’s honestly horrifying. You said you didn’t know how you felt about me and everything went crashing down. I got so scared, I overthought it, and I’m sorry. I just want a confirmation of everything. Of how you feel about me, of how things are going to be after all of this, of what might change.” Karl’s voice trailed off towards the end, trying to hold back tears. This wasn’t time for self-pity, it was time to hear Nick out, get his side of this.

Nick cleared his throat after a bit, done processing what he had just heard. “It’s fine, Jacobs, really. You’re okay. I get it, I get backing out of everything in fear of it all crumbling. I just, uh. I’m not good with feelings, not good with talking about them. But I love you. I do, I really do. You’re the love of my life, Karl. I was just too scared to say it. I froze when I heard you say that, froze when I realized you might love me back. It horrified me, I was so scared that if I let you know, let you get close to me, you’d end up disappointed and leave. But I think I can come to terms with it now. I talked to Clay, he kinda helped me realize everything would be okay. I love you a lot, and I’m down for whatever you’re down for, honestly. I mean. I don’t have a problem with being your boyfriend in the slightest.”

Karl was listening intently the whole time, he perked up as he heard Nick say those last words. “You- You’re for real? You love me? You wouldn’t mind being my-” He was cut off with a chuckle, and an audible eye-roll. “Yes, Karl, a thousand times, yes. Don’t go overthinking things on me again. So, will you be my boyfriend? ‘S a simple question, nimrod.” Nick laughed, Karl bursting into laughter with him only seconda after.

“Yes, of course. I’d gladly be your boyfriend, Pandas.” Karl wiped the tears that had began falling whenever-ago from his eyes, smiling brightly as he realized that this was real, that Nick was really his boyfriend. “So, like- What now?” He asked, honestly wondering.

“How about a plane ticket to Texas?”

**Author's Note:**

> If you took the time to read this whole thing, thank you. But specifically, thank you to Tobie. My practical proof-reader, and my motivation to finish this. Not to mention my best friend. Anywho, I may write more karlnap so keep your eyes open for that.


End file.
